To Win is to Lose
by DarkTyrant
Summary: Severus truly believes that what he does is right. However, that all changes when he is reunited with an old friend. Things get rather complicated as Severus tries to save her from certain destruction, not knowing that she is attempting to do the same. AU
1. Chapter 1

The sounds of battle were heard everywhere. Blood-curling screams, the malicious laughter from the ones called Death Eaters, spells being cast. But even more frightening than the sounds were the sight of innocent peoples, horribly deformed by malevolent spells or mortally wounded-trying to survive-and the emerald green flashes of light that marked their death.

It was utter chaos.

_Wh__ere was the Order, _wondered an unknown person. They should have been here by now. Stepping out from an overlooked ally, the clocked person casually sauntered down a back street. If the Death Eaters noticed him at all, they paid him no heed. No, the Death Eaters were having too much entertainment provided by the panicking Muggles to notice anything else. _The best way to maneuver around hundreds of Death Eaters was not to panic. If only the Muggles realized that._

Hogwarts Castle was not far from here. Hogwarts Castle, the greatest castle in the land, accepted anyone, regardless of birth or status. Anyone who wanted to learn anything could go there, even Muggle-born children. None of the Superpowers had any direct control over it, although it favored the House of Gryffindor mostly these days. That was not always so. There was a time when the House of Slytherin controlled it from behind the lines, when Slytherin had most of the power, could sway the opinion of the masses. But that was long ago. But Hogwarts Castle had direct control over the Superpowers though. It was where the laws were crafted and inscribed, it was where history was written and created, it where the aspiring wizards of the day were taught. _And in a short__ time__ it will be were history is created once more_, thought the unknown man.

Hogwarts Castle must be the Death Eaters next target. The Death Eaters moved in predictable ways, and one habit that they had developed recently was attacking the villages and terrorizing the villagers surrounding their next target. Hufflepuff Castle and a few minor castles- targeted for their strategic positions- were taken in such a way already. And if Hogwarts Castle was truly taken, the Death Eaters were guaranteed a victory. It was unlikely that it would be, protected as it was. But that didn't mean the Death Eaters wouldn't be triumphant, in the end.

Voldemort, the leader of the Death Eaters, had to be here somewhere. It was not like him to leave his children on their own. It was not like the Death Eaters to act on their own, either. It wasn't long before the unknown man observed that the Death Eaters were all moving in one direction, towards the center of the village. Quickly following them, knowing that they would lead him to Voldemort, he made his way to the center of the village, where a statue of some long dead king dominated the scene. In front of the statue was Voldemort, but something wasn't right. He was crouched down, as though in pain. And he was angry. The unknown man could feel his anger in waves, could actually see scorched marks on the cobblestones from where his magic got out of control. And when Voldemort turned his crimson eyes on him, he felt like he was on fire, felt as if flames of hell consumed him. But Voldemort didn't look at him long, and when he was released from Voldemort gaze, he hastily departed, shaken to the core.

It was now the unknown man's mission to inform the Order of what had happened, that something has worked in their favor for once. It had to be something big for Voldemort did not recognized him as a member of the Order, did not even seem to notice him. But first he had to find out what it was. He wasn't long kept in the dark though.

As he turned the corner, he spotted a man gently carrying a woman. At last understanding what happened, he scrutinized the man's face, expecting to see no emotion. This man, who once did horrible deeds without showing an ounce of remorse, who killed his own family without a shred of regret or emotion, who was believed not to be able to even feel emotion, now couldn't hide any of it. The look in his eye…the unknown man couldn't even begin to describe it. It was if all the emotion built up over all the years finally broke through the nearly indestructible dam. Yet, he looked more dead than ever before, as though part of him, the most important part, had died with the woman in his arms.

The woman was completely covered by a clock, the man's final show of respect. She hated it when she the center of attention especially when she was in her weakest moment, no doubt she would hate it in her death. And she would be the center of attention if people knew that it was her, dead, in this man's gentle arms. People would want to know, _to make sure,_ she was actually dead.

There was no need for any explanation. The newcomer briefly nodded to the unknown man, and marched away. As the newcomer wandered away, the pale arm of the woman fell from under the cloak, exposing the Dark Mark.

_Yes, this was good news indeed._


	2. Help

After reviewing my writings, I have come to the slow realization that I really, really need a beta! Anyone up for the job?


	3. The Real Chapter 2

_It was late, almost two in the morning, Severus re__alized. He was tired; he had not any sleep for the past two days. The ball was still going on strong and would not abate for some time yet. He hated being here, hated being surrounded by the frivolous youth who had not a care in the world. He had better things to do, like brewing a new potion that would make the user __invincible for a short while. __Like getting some rest after completing those intense mid-term finals at Hogwarts. __How did he ever get talked into coming here in the first place?_

_He stood back, watching the reason for his __extreme,__ mind__-numbing boredom.__ She was as easy to spot as the crystal chandelier that showered the room with light, with her rather bold looking dress, her auburn hair down, swaying with her as she danced, __as vigorous now as she was since__ the beginning of the ball__. She was even barefoot, Severus noticed, amused. He knew she hated these balls almost as much as he did, and this was her way of rebelling. It was scandalous for women to wear their hair__ down,__ and even more __scandalous was wearing that scarlet dress, which was like a flame among the paler, innocent colors the others were wearing._

_Despite the fact that she hated balls and had rebelled for two hours earlier yesterday, she looked like she was having fun. Unlike me, thought Severus, who stood near a corner and had only danced once or twice the entire night. But that was ok, because he would rather watch her, as she led men on, only to leave them high and dry the next second. _

_He closed his eyes for just a second, and was at once bombarded with screams of terror. He opened them again and there was a….dragon? Staring in disbelief at it, he didn't even notice__ someone pulling at his cape._

_"C'mon __Sev__, it'__s just an optical illusion. It's not real, __let's__ get outta here while everyone is distracted," said Alexis as she forcibly shoved Severus into a secret corridor. Who would know better the secrets of Astron Castle then one who spent their entire life here?_

_As the door was about to close, Severus got one last glimpse of the dragon, at last believing it was not real as its left wing went through the crystal chandelier. Rather an impressive show of magic, the dragon truly looked alive, and he would have believed it was if not for that fact that it could not hurt anyone._

_Following Alexis down the secret passageway, he wondered how Alexis learned to__ manipulate light in such a way, for that was what he assumed the dragon to be: pure light.__ Suddenly,__ Alexis took a sharp right and Severus would have missed it in the dark corridor if not for her auburn hair glinting in the light as she passed a torch high on the wall._

_The passageway led them __completely __ou__t of the castle, into the garden on the east side of it. Alexis closed the door and it disappeared as if it was never there to begin with. "You were bored so I thought I would spice things up a bit," Alexis smiled, slightly out of breath._

_Severus could still he__ar__ the screams and the chaos from the west side of the castle, where the ballroom was. Alexis, mischievous Alexis, who knew him so well, would always have a grand exit. And entrance, __thought Severus, as he remember the look on her parent's faces as she came into the ballroom looking as she did._

_"You__ owe me a dance," Severus said, as he remembered the bet they made earlier that night, a bet that he had won.__ Maybe he would "accidently" step on her feet, he thought, just to see her reaction. He could dance well, and she knew it just as well as he did. She nodded, and stepped into his waiting arms. __And__ so__ they danced__, danced__ to the sounds of total chaos, __while young __Death Eaters were near, practicing dark magic._

With a start, Severus was broken out of his reverie, as a potion exploded. Knowing at once who the incompetent student was, Severus took fifty points from Gryffindor for destroying one of his good brass cauldrons. Neville, he was almost as bad as Potter. Almost. He at once started to berate Neville, while also explaining that you were suppose to stir counter-clockwise for ten minutes before you added unicorn hair. Sweet Merlin, these students will be the death of me, he thought.

As soon as the period was over, Severus at once looked back on the dream he had, glad that he was once again alone with his thoughts. Alexis. He hadn't seen her for years, not since the fall of Voldemort seventeen years ago. He didn't even know if she was still alive. Probably not, or otherwise she would have answered the call of Voldemort on his rebirth. But why now, why after so long, would he dream of her? He hated dreams like this, dreams that brought about feelings of nostalgia so powerful he once again felt regret, regret for the way things could- no- should have been.

After the first fall of Voldemort, she completely and utterly disappeared. He attempted to find her, but he knew if she didn't want to be found, he wouldn't be able to. And he never did find her. He would have liked to see her one last time, but she left without saying good-bye, without any explanation whatsoever, without any clues to her whereabouts. And he wanted to know why, more so now than ever before. Why she left, why she joined in the Death Eaters in the first place, why she did the many things she did. Why she never made any attempt to contact him, most of all.

He thought he would see her again, when Voldemort summoned the Death Eaters on his rebirth, on the day he took Harry Potter's blood. It has been a year since that day, and he had yet to catch a glimpse of her. So perhaps she was dead.

But then maybe-it was a foolish hope, Severus knew- she no longer supported Voldemort. Highly unlikely though, she was one of his biggest supporters, for reasons even he didn't know. He didn't know many things about her, not since the day she joined. No, even before that. Since the day she came in first contact with the Death Eaters, first came in contact with dark magic.

He thought back on his dream, rather a memory of long ago. They were in their seventh year of Hogwarts then, and it was one of the happiest memories of his life, yet, one of the darkest, for it was the beginning of it. It was on that day that Alexis realized the sweet intoxication of dark magic; the day that he and Alexis began to separate in such subtle ways that even Severus didn't realize it until it was too late.

And towards the very end, he didn't even know Alexis, his Alexis, anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

"Voldemort has been rather silent of late," Dumbledore observed, deep in thought. Usually when there was no information of Voldemort's movements, it meant that bad things were to come. "Severus, he hasn't informed you of any of his recent plans yet?"

"No," came Severus calm reply. Severus couldn't blame the fact that Dumbledore was even more disturbed by this news. Severus was, after all, one of Voldemort's most trusted advisors, and if Voldemort didn't trust Severus enough to tell him his schemes, he had to be planning something big. Usually Severus was the first person to know Voldemort's plots, but there have been times when Voldemort didn't inform even him. It was a rather rare occurrence when Severus didn't know anything, but Voldemort usually let someone in on his plans, usually Lucius, if not Severus. This time though, as far as Severus knew, nobody knew what was going on, if the unease of the Death Eaters were anything to go by. And Lucius would've taunted Severus if he knew something Severus didn't.

Actually, during the last few meetings, Voldemort wasn't even present. If it wasn't for the occasional message ordering the Death Eaters to stay down and hidden, Severus would believe Voldemort was dead.

"Severus, there are matters that I must look into. Try to find anything, anything at all, out tonight." Dumbledore, as he walked past Severus, placed his hand on Severus's shoulder, worried about another reason why Voldemort wouldn't tell Severus anything. Severus understood the meaning in the gesture for he thought of that possibility as well, but he ignored it for now. The knowledge that Lucius didn't know anything either calmed him somewhat.

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Slytherin Castle, the capital of Slytherin, still retained its beauty and magnificence since the fall of Voldemort. One of the few places of the country that did. Malfoy Manor was the only other one Severus could think of. Snape Manor was destroyed during the first war, but Severus could care less. He never had much love for his birth place. He was saddened that Astron Castle was ruined also; so much knowledge lost, so many good memories rested there. So much was destroyed during the war. And so much to rebuild yet, Severus thought. Seventeen years and Slytherin was still the weakest country of the four, but that was changing fast now that Voldemort reappeared.

Slytherin Castle was a huge castle though, perhaps even bigger than Gryffindor Castle, and it was home to the Death Eaters. Not a known-well fact. Most people thought that the Death Eaters lived out in the woods somewhere, hidden, and no one was going to correct them.

Hurrying through the gilded gates, Severus entered the castle, into the vast entrance hall. Making his way across the marble floor, he was stopped by a lesser Death Eater. "Snape, this is You-Know-Who's latest message."

Taking the letter, he quickly read the short message, then read it again. His heart stopped at the implications of it, and he knew, knew who exactly Voldemort meant. He knew it as strongly he knew her to be alive.

_My fellow children,_

_On__e of our own is about to__ return to us. Welcome them with open arms._

Seventeen years. He hasn't seen her in seventeen years and soon he would see her again he was sure. He didn't know how he felt about that. What would he say to her? What do you say to someone you haven't seen in such a long while, to someone who was once your whole life, to the only person you ever truly loved? So much time has passed, so many things have changed. Severus was no longer a young boy whose actions were solely based on the reason of love, love for person who betrayed him in so many ways.

And how has she changed, he wondered. He remembered those last few years he knew her; her obsession with dark magic, her complete joy at killing muggles, her deep devotion to Voldemort, her utter insanity. But there were times when she showed some sanity, showed some qualities of the old Alexis, the one he knew and loved. How would she be now, Voldemort's Alexis….or his?

Regardless of how she is, she is still the enemy, and Severus was no fool to forget such a thing. He thought he was free from her memory after so long, but he wasn't. His heart had softened somewhat since that dream, he realized. Hardening his heart once more, he traveled father into the castle, prepared for anything.

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ReAdErWritEr: Whoa, I haven't even introduced the present-day Alexis and I'm already being accused of having a Mary Sue. Actually, you're probably right. Anyways, I don't have a beta yet, but is there some formal process to having a beta? I mean, do I email you my chapters or something? I have no idea about how to go about this. :(

La Pirate Rose: Yeah, I'd like to see where I go with it also. I have so many ideas running through my head at the moment.

Emoor: Have no fear, I have every intention of continuing my story, it just might take a long, long time to finish it. I just hope you stay interested in it. Tell you what, if you stay interested, I'll finish it. Promise.


	5. Chapter 5

Severus, hearing loud, boisterous voices coming from the great hall, made his way towards them. As soon as he entered the hall, someone grabbed him across the shoulders and passed him a drink of fire whiskey. "Oh, Snape, it is a grand day. Karkaroff has been captured!"

Karkaroff? Is this who Voldemort meant? Yes, Severus could appreciate the hidden irony in the message now. Welcome them with open arms indeed. Traitors were not taken lightly and, for a long time now, the Death Eaters wanted Karkaroff, almost as much as that brat. And he doubted very much that Karkaroff would live through the night.

But he had been so sure, so very sure that Voldemort meant Alexis. Feeling slightly cheated, he roughly shrugged off the arm. He had been a fool, a sentimental fool to believe that Alexis returned. Wanting nothing more than to leave now, one of the Death Eater's voices stopped him. "Leaving so soon, Snape? Won't you partake in this victory?"

Knowing that it would raise suspicion if he refused, he had no other choice but to torture Karkaroff. "Of course," said Severus, sneering. "Where is the traitor?"

"In the courtyard, it would be a disgrace if that turncoat set foot in here."

Downing the last of the fire whiskey, Severus handed the empty glass to the lesser Death Eater, and allowed the sounds of screams, unnoticed until this moment, to lead him to the courtyard. He saw the eager faces of the Death Eaters first, throwing dark curse after dark curse at Karkaroff. Then he glanced at Karkaroff, and almost didn't recognize him.

Karkaroff, his once sleek, white hair, was in disarray, and filthy. He no longer had a goatee but a long, grimy beard. Severus, if he felt so inclined, could wrap his forefinger and thumb around Karkaroff's bicep. Appalled, Severus thought that Karkaroff would break if the wind just happened to blow too strongly. They, the Death Eaters, didn't seem to care that Karkaroff, practically dead already, couldn't take much more, and Severus knew that it wasn't all because of his recent reunion to his old comrades.

Severus always noticed that the Death Eaters were more enthusiastic in dealing with traitors than the muggles they declared to loathe. Not that he blamed them; to them, a defector was worse than a muggle for they had a chance to be great whereas a muggle couldn't help being what they are.

"God damn, I can't take his disgusting voice anymore," another fellow Death Eater bellowed. Pointing his wand to Karkaroff, he placed the silencing charm on him. The other Death Eaters fell silent at once, observing the now quiet heretic. Karkaroff, his mouth opened wide in a voiceless wail, eyes scrunched in pain, his suffering more palpable than ever before without the distraction of sound. Severus could understand the special thrill of observing a soundless victim; it connected the torturer or victim on a new level, empowered them to fully understand the torment they themselves caused.

"Snape, why didn't you tell me you arrived?" another Death Eater spoke up after spotting Severus. "Voldemort isn't here and I have no idea when he will return. It's unlike Voldemort to be away while dealing with traitors," he added as in afterthought.

Yes, Severus agreed silently. Voldemort usually took special interest in defectors; used them as examples, or worse, demonstrations for new, creative dark spells. So what would keep Voldemort from one of his favorite pastimes? What could be so important that Voldemort wouldn't care if Karkaroff lived long enough for him to return? Granted, Karkaroff, while being a traitor, was never much a Death Eater to begin with, never had respect from his fellow peers. Perhaps, that is why Voldemort deemed Karkaroff not worthy of his presence. But no, Voldemort would see that as a greater insult to his cause: that someone, so cowardly, would abandon their beliefs and, in turn greatness, to survive in a world of Light-like poor, pitiful Karkaroff. Karkaroff deserved the worse retribution, so why wasn't Voldemort here?

Severus massaged his forehead in irritation. So many questions…and so few answers.

"Snape, you look awful. Here, have a turn before Karkaroff dies." The fellow Death Eaters made way so Severus could unleash a spell. It was a rather simple spell, one that would create a hallucination of something the receiver feared.

Karkaroff at once started to dig his nails into his skin, attempting to tear something only he could see away from his skin. Karkaroff, in his panic, probably didn't even notice that he was scratching his own skin off. The only problem with this spell, Severus thought, was that you could never see what the victim saw. He would've liked to know what Karkaroff feared. Signing, it was probably something lame like spiders.

"Oh Snape, I was never into that psychological bullshit. Let me show you how it's done." The Death Eater released the Cruciatus curse. Was that supposed to show, Severus wondered, that you have no creativity? At once, like a wave that started with the dull Death Eater, the Death Eaters joined in, more zealous than before.

While Severus had no love of being present when the Death Eaters were torturing a random person, it was untolerable when they were torturing traitors; people like himself. Knowing that if he didn't leave now, he wouldn't be able to later, Severus quietly made his way out of the courtyard, but not before having once last glance at Karkaroff.

In a moment of weakness he shuddered, knowing eventually he would be in Karkaroff's place. It was only a matter of time. And Severus knew, unlike Karkaroff, that Voldemort would deal with him personally, no matter what. Voldemort placed too much trust in Severus to allow anything else. He hoped he would survive the encounter.

Exiting out of Slytherin Castle, he leaned against the castle's outer wall. He really didn't want to return to Dumbledore at the moment. Contemplating his next move, he gazed far out to where he could see the mountains that surrounded Slytherin like a strong fortress. There was one particular mountain peak his eyes kept returning to.

It had been a long time since he was on that mountain peak, and he felt the unbearable need to view Slytherin from atop it once more. Who knew when he would have time again?

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ReAdErWritEr: What's your e-mail?


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